5 Ways Old School Dating Rules Lead To Online Dating Success

Remember the old days when you and a posse of your best girl friends would put on your heels and go to a bar or disco to meet men? You would position yourself center of the room, scan the prospects and choose your targets. In today’s dating world our brains have become so tech focused … Continue reading “5 Ways Old School Dating Rules Lead To Online Dating Success”

Remember the old days when you and a posse of your best girl friends would put on your heels and go to a bar or disco to meet men? You would position yourself center of the room, scan the prospects and choose your targets. In today’s dating world our brains have become so tech focused that we wonder if we have lost the art of dating and meeting men. We knew some things back in the disco days and these important old school dating rules can guide us to online dating success.

Today’s apps are the bars and discos of our past
Our perfect perch on the bar stool was the online profile picture of today. Scanning the room then is just like looking through profiles now. Today’s swipe left or right or is no different from turning our bar stool or our shoulder to invite or cut off conversation or leaving with a handful of business cards. The advantage that we had then was that we could get a better sense of chemistry, something that is hard to know looking at a two-dimensional photo and profile on a screen. A wise volume or stack dater will use her old school dating rules to choose the men that interest her and maintain a detached attitude as she arranges meetings with her prospects to know, fairly quickly, if a match is worth pursuing.

Managing the pace of the process in an instant notification world
Who can forget running home to see if the red light on the answering machine was flashing or off? Armed with our old school dating rules we waited to return the call. Who knew if we had checked our machine? In today’s technological world of 24 hour dating he can know that the call or text message was delivered. A wise online dater will go back to her old school dating rules and keep her detached frame of mind as she makes her decisions. She will take her time and offer information and the opportunity to meet at a pace that suits her. Just because you receive a call or a message does not obligate you to respond immediately. Be present. Be mindful. Choose your time and your words.

Do your research carefully and not obsessively!
In the days before social media and search engines we tried to figure out who knew the guy and what they could tell us about him. Your old school dating rules guided you to not ask too many questions. We knew to create that detached appearance and not seem overly interested or, worse, obsessive! We waited for face to face conversation and got to know him. Work to get to know the man through the available sources, but do not lose the real person in the mix. Talk to him. Date. Put down the electronic sources and spend time together.

Conduct yourself as though you live in a small town and word will get back to your mother
Way back when there were eyes and ears everywhere word traveled to our family members quickly. We worked harder to guard our reputation and think through our actions. When you are in the getting to know you phase, remember your old school dating rules and move slowly. Enchant him. Hook him. Think with your head and not with a less reliable body part. A good frame of reference is a 90 day “probationary” period where you really get to know someone and their actions and thoughts across a wide spectrum of circumstances. Set your boundaries, stay detached until you really know who he is, take your time and protect yourself. Do not jump from meeting to relationship to a forever.

It is okay to be detached in your approach as long as you keep your heart open to magic
In our younger days our thoughts were way more romantic. Our old school dating rules gave us specific steps and the goal was, usually, a long white dress, a veil and a happily ever after. Your goal may have changed and you may be more cynical in many ways, but watch for the magic. You can still find it. Using these old school dating rules will help you to know if it is real.

“Cease to adhere to the objects to which you are attached, and you will be free from sorrow and self-pity! Only by living so can one find the true base in life! Isn’t this goal worthy of renouncing common beliefs and habits?”~Lao Tse- Tao Te Ching

Rules For Online Dating

Online dating isn’t like real dating. When you meet someone online, it’s not like meeting them at a bar. You get all the facts beforehand and this is great if you’re a curious person. So, if you want to find a boyfriend or girlfriend through online dating, follow these rules. They may very well help you.

1. A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words

The number one rule of online dating is making sure your pictures are really YOU. Using a stock photo or a picture of someone who looks like you isn’t fair. The same goes for pictures that are outdated. If you post a picture that’s from 1990 when you were 100 lbs and 24 years old, that’s not smart. You want to give yourself a fair shot at meeting someone so choose pictures that show the real you!

2. No Interviews Please

If you want your date to enjoy talking to you, don’t make the date feel like an interview. Make the conversation flow and you’ll have more fun. If you fire questions at your date, he will most likely be intimidated. So remember to smile and get to know him without playing 20 questions.

3. Bye Bye Computer

As soon as you get home from your date, don’t sign on. Whatever you do, stay away from online sites for at least a day. Yes, if the date went well, you might want to stalk your date. But don’t. He can tell when you’ve last signed on and nothing looks worse than you being a late night online junkie.

4. Spice Up The Conversation

When it comes to conversation topics, don’t play by the rules. The best dates are the ones where you’ve talked about everything. If you’re open and honest, your date will enjoy talking to you. He’ll even feel comfortable with you, which is essential. Of course, don’t be silly and think this means it’s okay to talk about your sex life or your previous boyfriends. But it is okay to talk about politics and religion.

5. Honesty Is Best

Last, and unfortunately and not least, comes the let down. Ladies, if you’re not into a man, don’t lead him on. That’s just cruel. If you don’t see a future with him, tell him. Otherwise he most likely will walk around with a smile on his face thinking he has a crush. Remember that we’re not in middle school anymore. If you don’t like someone, tell them. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!